I knew him when he was young, when I was young, both of us full of wonder at the way life was unfolding before us. We could laugh all night, write songs and poetry all day, laze around all weekend. Somewhere in all of that we worked at jobs soon forgotten as we moved on down the highway in an old blue pickup truck with patched seats and rust on the tailgate, stopping at ragged little stores with chickens strutting in the parking lot or old dogs snoring on benches by old men smoking cigars. We had no thoughts or plans for the future; it was just us, a couple of bottles of beer, and a zigzag path.
But you could only be young for so long, and one day I stayed behind in a small town while he drove on into a future without me. What happened to him, to me, to us is lost in the winds of the past and now I am reading his obituary on the Internet — an accomplished man with a successful restaurant, a wife, three children, two grandchildren, and a dog, a man who led a happy life full of adventure — or so the obituary said. I wonder if he ever thought of me during his busy adult years, like I did of him. Was my young love etched on his heart somewhere? Did I matter? The things you lose are sometimes forgotten in the rush of days passing by. I hope he remembered my rowdy laugh, my red sneakers, my gentle caress on his beard-stubbled face, even if just for a moment through all those years between young and old, and death.
StoryGirl 
Oh my…. oh my.
I have a few tears just now. Your words, as always, so evocative. I’ll bet he did think of you. Sometimes it feels like we were invisible … forgettable .. but it turns out, just as we reflect upon, re-live the memories and wonder about those who were part of our story, so they do about us. It surprises me every time some connection from the past pops up on my Facebook.. a like or a comment.
At our 20th high school reunion I found myself talking to a guy I had always liked but who I considered to be in a whole different class than me. In every way. We talked about the difficulties of growing up, navigating the teen years.. I told him I had generally felt invisible in high school and that I had always liked and admired him. Then he blew me away saying he remembered me also and that he had always liked and admired me. Whaaaaat???
It turns out we put others in boxes and on pedestals.. and ourselves as well .. in boxes.
I don’t know if I ever told you but in May of 1969 I had a most wonderful experience. We had a youth weekend at our church and a few days later I became overwhelmed by the Love of God for me and ever since then have known that he is with me and for me. My goal in 2024 is to open myself completely to him, to trust him to chip away at the hard places in my heart, the fortresses I have built to hide behind. Even at this stage of life, the possibilities are limitless!!.
I remember you with much love and still have that little big dream of seeing you again one day.
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Just saw this comment. Thank you, Rosemary. It’s interesting how people see us and we don’t know about it. My sister just sent me a poem on Facebook and told me that the woman the poet is writing about is how my sister sees me. Blew me away, that’s for sure!
I hope too that we can see each other again.
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